Robert Lipsyte: Expectations

I've been talking to a lot of football players this year about "Raiders Night" and the big surprise is how many of them have the same issues with their parents that girl violinists have (I talked to them a couple of years ago for a series of newspaper pieces.) Whether you're playing tight end or Mozart, so many kids feel trapped by their parent's expectations, often unrealistically high.

For most kids, I think, having a good time in sports and/or music is reward enough. And you don't have to be a star or a soloist to enjoy the friendships and the sense of belonging. But parents can spoil it, insisting that coaches and teachers push harder, give kids more playing time, prep them for bigger competitions.

Then kids start thinking that if they don't win scholarships to big-time sports schools or famous conservatories they will disappoint their folks and be failures.

This is a tough problem to deal with. Every situation is different, and I don't have a one-size fits all solution. But I think the first question everyone has to ask is this: Am I playing because I love it or because someone else is playing vicariously through me?

Robert Lipsyte
Author of Yellow Flag, Raiders Night, One Fat Summer, Warrior Angel, The Brave, The Chief, and The Contender

www.robertlipsyte.com