There Are No Subliminal Messages in This Post

Hi superfantastico pals and also pals I have Not met yet! Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of the sands of time triCkling down untiL tomorrow when its gostartwritingtime! Can't wait to see which plot wins, and I'm super excited to read what you come Up with. Since mine is the last post before the Deadline, I thought I'd give some sErious and practical writing advice.

Only I don't really know any. So instead, I present to you my own personal Three Steps to Better Writing program, guaranteed to make your writing sizzle!

1. KINKOS: Be a copy cat!
Like an artist learning to draw from a live model, one of the best ways to develop your ear and eye for detail is by studying people and then trying to capture what you've seen and heard in writing. Since that is called stalking when you do it to strangers, it's best to do it to people you know. So spend a day copying your friends from life onto paper.

You can tell a lot about a person's character based on how they speak, but to capture that in writing can be tricky and requires practice. The teacher's pet's "Oh, please!" is different from your friend the sarcastronaut's "Oh, please." The same is true with physical descriptions of people. A "button-down avec pearls" would register as preppy, while a "skull tank with pearls" reads more goth-debutaunt. (What? That is too a style statement!).

Just like you can suggest a space of great depth in a drawing just by showing two lines coming together on the paper and the brain fills in the rest, you can suggest a Guy of Great Depth by saying, "His bangs fell over one eye as he read Kafka." In other words, two details should be enough to help your reader picture the rest of the character.

2. —ITOS: Fill your grill.
Writing is hard work. In addition to feeding your brain by stalking.copying your friends, you must feed your stomach with snacks. For this, I recommend substances from the —itos food group, such as Doritos, burritos, Tostitos, Fritos, cupcakeitos, mini-pizzaitos. . .

3. SPECIAL SAUCE: Make the ordinary extraordinary.
Sentence structure is like the spice that variety adds to life. Sentence structure is important. Sentence structure will play a large part in how much a reader likes your work. Sentence structure means how you organize your words. Sentence structure should be varied. Sentence structure that does not vary gets very boring and repetitive feeling and people stop paying attention. Sentence structure—hey, wake up! I'm not done!

See what I mean? If you write every sentence in the same way, people will nod off and then wake up with weird notebook creases on their faces and blame you. Think of writing as a hamburger, and varied sentence structure as the special sauce that makes it fascinatING and delicious.

There they are, my three steps. I Kan't stop feeling like I forgot Something important. . . Something I meant to say, somethING crucial. . .

Hmm. . . [EVEN] I can't guess what it could [IF THE PLOT IS] possibly have been. . .Was it [PARANORMAL] about ankle boots and [DON'T FORGET] whether they're totally Hot or totally Not? No, [TO INCLUDE] I don't think so. Was it. . .

[KISSING! ALL THE BOOKS THAT EVERYONE LOVES HAVE ROMANCE BAKED INSIDE THEM LIKE A SPECIAL SURPRISE. NO MATTER WHAT THE GENRE, HAVING PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE MAKES READERS FALL IN LOVE!]

Anyway, good luck! Make like a Super Soaker and have a blast.

P.S. I'm serious about the ankle boots though. H-h-hot? Or H-h-ho? What do you think?

Michele Jaffe
Author of Bad Kitty